Welcome to the last post of our basic course “teach your children godly sexuality”. We have looked at four principles:
- Good – because our sexuality reflects the nature of our three in one God
- Holy – because it reflects God it is not ordinary
- As you walk along – we tell stories and answer questions in everyday life
- Nothing is impossible – God can redeem all things and gives us wisdom for all situations
To finish this series I want to tackle the myth that “God wouldn’t give you children if He didn’t think you could handle it”.
The hospital was clinically negligent during the birth of our first child. I remember the blood steadily dripping into the bucket, the junior doctor taking an age to stitch up my wife after the tears, the colour draining from my wife’s face and then that doctor calling in for more help. As it was our first baby we thought this was normal. My wife’s friends all said that a baby was wonderful and left her feeling inadequate. I was in a stressful job and was no support. Truth be told: I actually put more demands on her during this time. When she told the doctor about her depression he told her to pull herself together. She spiralled into clinical postnatal depression. She tried to kill herself and was taken into a psychiatric ward. I was left holding the baby and had no support from work. After pouring out my heart to my boss he told me he didn’t want me staying at home moping and so I carried on going to my stressful work and had a nervous breakdown. This was the beginning of our parenting journey. This, along with the deaths of two of our children (Rachel and James) and the moment when my wife had packed up the car drove to my office and told me she was leaving, was one of the darkest periods in my life. I couldn’t handle it.
You see the phrase implies that we have all it takes. That by striving hard or by having the encouragement of friends we can make it. It’s simply not true.
If it was then we wouldn’t have to ask God for anything as we’d be self-sufficient. We would be able to live independently of God. We’d be repeating Adam and Eve’s sin of being the gods of our own lives. It is the spirit of pride. The same spirit that led to Satan’s downfall.
The truth is we depend on God for everything. In Christ all things hold together (Col 1:17). We are breathing now because of Jesus. We’re not independent – moment to moment we exist because of the grace of God.
When God chose the people of Israel for His own, He sought to train them up. As they travelled through the desert they had no food. They were dependent on God’s manna from heaven. If they took more than they needed it would become full of maggots (Ex 16:20). They had to daily depend on God’s provision.
Jesus summed this principle up when he taught us to pray:
“Give us today our daily bread” (Lk 11:3)
We have to ask God daily for what we need. It isn’t given automatically. Daily we have to express our dependence on Him.
“I am the vine; you are the branches…apart from me you can do nothing” (Jn 15:5)
Doesn’t this verse make you want to add a qualification to it? “Of course I can do some things – it’s talking about spiritual things or it’s talking about getting into heaven or…”. Whatever you believe is the exception to this rule is where you believe you are independent of God†.
Let’s return to raising godly children and teaching them about godly sexuality. All the principles in the world aren’t going to achieve this. Only with God’s help can we do this.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Phil 4:13 NKJV emphasis mine)
Did you know muscles only grow when they are damaged. It’s the repairs of the microscopic tears that cause the growth. This is a physical reflection of a spiritual reality. Only when we are stretched beyond what we can bear do we grow. Why? Because then we acknowledge our dependence on Him and call on Him to transform us.
In life we will experience storms and anything built in our own strength will fall flat. Sometimes in His grace God will allow you to experience events that show our need for Him*. If we call on Him they become places of growth. If we don’t they become places of destruction. I never want to repeat those dark days but I am genuinely grateful for them, as it pushed us into Him and our lives were transformed as a result.
There was the time my friend at church was distraught as their child was refusing to eat and nothing they could do was working. It had been several days and she was tearing her hair out. We cried out to God for help. We recognised that we couldn’t do anything. We called out to Him and He transformed the situation. Their child began eating from that moment.
There was the time my middle daughter was experiencing night terrors. I as a Father could do nothing but call out to God and ask for help. But a quick prayer didn’t seem to make a difference. I found I had to stay by her bedside praying in tongues for about 10 minutes, dependent on Him, before the transformation came and her cries in her sleep turned into squeals of laughter. And I had to repeat this every night for about a week.
All we need, all we have is found in Him. Run to Him daily and receive what you need. Amen.
† It’s part of the problem of living in the West with the deceitfulness of wealth (Mk 4:19) that we can end up disowning God (Prov 30:8-9) thinking we have it all. Why do you think the poor are rich in faith (Jas 2:5)? Because daily they realise their dependence on Him.
* Please understand that I don’t believe God sends us trouble as He is a good father who gives us good gifts (Jas 1:17; Lk 11:11-13). However, in this fallen world we will experience trouble. And particularly since Satan hates marriage, sex and children (as they most reflect our God) he will seek to kill, rob and destroy them (Jn 10:10).